Welcome

For the past 10 years I have been getting bigger.  I feel like I am on a never-ending rollercoaster of weight loss ups and downs, except the weight has slowly crept up to the highest it has ever been.

I have never felt more uncomfortable in my own skin than I do right now and I know that I'm the only one who can change that.  I need to start looking after myself, looking after my health and stop complaining that I have no clothes to wear and my work clothes, coats and trousers are all virtually bursting at the seams.

My Weight History

In 2001 and 2002 - I was probably around 140lbs.   I would say I was probably about this weight since around age 17 or so.  I used to "binge" back then, but I always would stay around the same weight.  I did a few diets here and there but in 2003, I joined Weight Watchers at 148lbs.  I felt big back then - even though I would kill to be 148lbs today! I lost weight every week and got to my goal of 134lbs.  I was so focused on getting to "gold" status so that I wouldn't have to pay to go to WW anymore!  Ha!  I went on to lose another 14-15 pounds and was about 120lbs.  I did love how I felt back then, but I still remember thinking I had to do more and so after I finished with WW in 2003, I moved on to the Body for Life programme.  I loved BFL!  I found that I really loved lifting weights, doing HIIT cardio, and eating healthily without counting points and calories.

I stayed around 120 -125 lbs for the next 3 - 4 years and then in 2006, my (then) fiance bought our first apartment!  It was around this time that I slowly started gaining weight.  I started a new job in September of 2006 and the stress around that just caused me to eat all the time.  But then I would start a new diet - Atkins was my choice back then, but it was just not for me and as soon as I started eating more carbs again, it just spiralled out of control!

My mum and dad - I think this is from around 1974

In 2007 my mom passed away suddenly at the age of 54.  I was devastated and of course turned to food again.  It was like f*ck it - what does it matter now??  My weight back then though was probably around 150-160lbs.  I thought I was huge then!  My dad died in 2014 quite suddenly and since then my weight has basically snowballed.

Ever since 2006 though, I have gained and lost probably thousands of pounds!

Today I am around 225lbs.

I have gained over 100lbs since 2005 and I'm just at the point now of that this has to stop.  I don't want to wake up this time next year and be over 300lbs!!   Life is hard at this weight - it seems to affect many areas of my life.  I don't really enjoy going out anymore as I feel too self-conscious and the fact that I don't have any clothes that fit.  I refuse to get a bigger size.  I can't walk up stairs to my apartment after walking my dog without getting totally out of breath!  It's not normal, it's not healthy and it certainly isn't fun!

I am writing this blog mainly to help me on my journey of losing weight and to keep a journal of my thoughts, feelings, victories and hiccups in the road, which will help me see what I'm doing right, what I need to work on and track my progress from Fat to Fabulous.